The Fat Lady Goes Shopping, Part the Millionth

Yesterday I went to Century 21 and the WW Mall. I wanted either of the following: an oatmeal-colored fisherman-knit cashmere sweater; a chocolate-brown turtleneck, also cashmere (no, I was not hungry when I made up this shopping list). So I go there and find horizontal-striped clingy cashmere sweaters, and I find crappy single-ply cashmere, and I find nothing like the Platonic conception of the sweaters I have in mind. Which was partly my fault, because Century 21 is not the place for Platonism. It is the place for serendipity, or not, as the case may be. But nothing, nothing, nothing. Or something, but not nearly as marked down as I was expecting. What about all those business articles talking about the deep discounts because of the lackluster holiday sales? I don't want no steenking half off. And I go to Bloomingdale's, and I go to Saks, and I saw not even the pale conception of what I want. How hard is this? Why can't they design sweaters for women with large racks? Why?