Was thinking about eye contact today. Primera's, as has been noted in evaluations since the dawn of time, is inconsistent. Which is an irony, b/c she has very beautiful eyes. They are enormous, and brown, and like many autistic kids she has unusually long lashes. When she does look straight at me, it almost makes me catch my breath: the gaze feels so direct and honest and understanding, all the things that long level gazes are supposed to mean. Except it means, probably, nothing, she just happened to look at me....

*****

And since we're talking about the ironies of interpreting gazes, here's a poem from George Meredith's Modern Love, just b/c I love it:

What are we first? First, animals; and next
Intelligences at a leap; on whom
Pale lies the distant shadow of the tomb,
And all that draweth on the tomb for text.
Into which state comes Love, the crowning sun:
Beneath whose light the shadow loses form.
We are the lords of life, and life is warm.
Intelligence and instinct now are one.
But nature says: 'My children most they seem
When they least know me: therefore I decree
That they shall suffer.' Swift doth young Love flee,
And we stand wakened, shivering from our dream.
Then if we study Nature we are wise.
Thus do the few who live but with the day:
The scientific animals are they. --
Lady, this is my sonnet to your eyes.

But now I have to include my very favorite, with that wonderful deadly last line:

At dinner, she is hostess, I am host.
Went the feast ever cheerfuller? She keeps
The Topic over intellectual deeps
In buoyancy afloat. They see no ghost.
With sparkling surface-eyes we ply the ball:
It is in truth a most contagious game:
Hiding the Skeleton, shall be its name.
Such play as this the devils might appal!
But here's the greater wonder; in that we,
Enamoured of an acting nought can tire,
Each other, like true hypocrites, admire;
Warm-lighted looks, Love's ephemerioe,
Shoot gaily o'er the dishes and the wine.
We waken envy of our happy lot.
Fast, sweet, and golden, shows the marriage-knot.
Dear guests, you now have seen Love's corpse-light shine.