When I first had my daughter, I had a bit of a rough time coping. Ahem.

So, as my mother would do, she spoke to some of her friends: these nice grandmothers in their seventies. And I got a few phone calls and letters from these nice grandmothers, and they were blisteringly honest about how awful early motherhood can be. Which I found so comforting, b/c I don't do denial particularly well, and it was good to hear that these women hadn't forgotten what it was like either.

Anyway, I found a page of one of those letters, and I'm going to put it up here. What I love about it is that she didn't try to put a meliorist spin on it. Sort of like a Seinfeld episode--no lessons, no hugs:

Everyone suggested I try formula. I did. Thats when I learned about projectile vomiting. -- Thats one thing you dont have to worry about -- only male babies do it.

Everyone said 'It will get better'. It didnt.

At some point in time things changed. I cant remember when it was.

I cant remember when I became a person who really enjoyed her son -- who was able to think again --

When people tell you the infant days are the easiest -- dont believe them -- when they say -- 'little children -- little problems -- big children -- big problems' --dont believe them.

Whatever happens -- problems in school -- unwanted pregnancies -- undesirable friends -- all can be addressed -- its all part of life.

Nothing has the nightmare quality of those first weeks.

Its not simply being tired. Something happens to your brain chemistry when you're always awake.

I was terrified -- all the time. Once the required terror time was done and my brain chemistry settled down all the rest of it -- is just living.

The other two were easier. I knew theyd live in spite of me. -- but its never easy just after having a baby. -- Those first weeks are a psychological journey through a very dark place.

We all make the journey. We survive it. We may learn something. I dont think I did.

You are coming to the time when you will be out of the very dark place. -- and you will, for the first time, meet your daughter.

When youve had lots of sleep -- and you have lots of time -- write to me (that may not be till your daughter graduates high school).