So tonight (or last night, really, b/c it's close to 3 AM as I write this) I had my weekly bat mitzvah lesson/group discussion. And invariably I get us off-track, this time about the Kaddish Shalem b/c my dad's yahrzeit was this past week and I am clearly in the throes of anniversary effect. And I always seem to bring up death and grieving at these discussions, because I am not a real person, I am a Woody Allen character. Which made me wonder, of course, how much is normal anniversary effect and how much is me sort of liking grieving, or feeling comfortable there. Because seriously, it all still feels pretty recent and like it will never ever end, like there's always something just out of the range of my peripheral vision that I'm forgetting about. Sort of like, "What am I thinking? What was I just thinking about? Oh yes, my parents are dead."

I've found myself in front of the computer for long hours a lot lately, not really doing anything much, but not unhappy there. Just kind of spaced out, watching the pretty pictures go by.