So decided to have a chat w/Secundo re Primera: he's showing signs of fraying w/her. Put it in terms of invisible disabilities, so different from wheelchairs or eyeglasses. I said she had trouble waiting and paying attention to others' feelings. This seemed to calm him down. Once again, dunno if this was the right thing to do, but he's sensitive and perceptive enough. I was reading something to the effect that kids whose sibs had more obvious disabilities had a better relationship w/them--easier to understand and accept if it's visible, apparently. There's also a lower stress rate in families w/visible disabilities. Again, part of me feels that since Primera does so well it's unfair to make her sound more disabled than she is. OTOH, the folks @ Yale thought it was PDD, so it's not as if I made this all up. And perhaps the stress is the result of forced normalizing/minimization/expectations based on what a typical kid does.

And here's the part of the fantasy that isn't explained: what happens when the child does well enough to fit in, yet is old enough to have some memory of all the supports and institutional help she's had? And when the community around her has been made aware of it? We don't just change her name and skulk off like we're in a witness protection program. We're not talking about a kid who's "recovered" (whatever that is) before starting kindergarten. And she's marked by the choices we're making. I don't even know who to ask. Was it right to talk to her younger brother? The sources I'm reading/talking to would say yes, but they don't know me or my kids or my community.