Series of articles in the NYT on autism in the past two weeks or so. The most recent one was about what I'm sure is usually referred to as the burgeoning or the nascent autism rights community (i.e., autism as difference, not disability). Understand, don't agree, look forward to many years of reading similar kinds of arguments and watching them go round and round. I'm not part of the community, and I want my child with me: I want her not just to function and compensate, but to want to be in this world, and I feel she does. But given what a contrary little cuss I've birthed, I have every confidence that Primera will resent me.

A friend of mine told me about a family she knew of: they're Orthodox, and the daughter was autistic. The mother was very strict, worked very hard, etc., etc., and the daughter did extremely well. She's working and planning to marry. She resents the mother, thinks the mother pushed her too hard. My friend was sympathetic to the child. Me, not so much: part of me was wondering if this was a failure of Theory of Mind--externalizing blame, inability to understand parent's POV, fears.

And I know that none of us does exactly right by our children, and they are all formed and reformed and deformed by the mistakes we made and the needs we did not fulfill. Sure. Except with a kid who has problems w/empathy and understanding others, are we ever forgiven?