Fever Dream, or
Mercury Rising

Primera is sick: threw up in the car after a birthday party, then started shivering. Something I've noticed w/her before: she's much calmer, more reasonable, less autistic when she's sick. I don't think it's b/c all the fight's been knocked out of her, either. I'm sure there's some fringe theory re intestinal flora that would explain this. At any rate: very calm and loving, the way she sometimes is at bedtime; I've noticed this since she was two, when she was a whole lot less prone to being calm, loving, and reasonable.

She only wanted me near her to cuddle and tell her I love her; we play an old feedback loop about how all mothers think their kids are the most beautiful, but she really is the most beautiful, and then she worries that other families would be hurt if they knew I thought that. Then she koalas next to my back and sticks her feet all over me.

She threw up before in the laundry basket. I'm nervous about letting her sleep on her own, b/c what if God forbid she throws up in her sleep and aspirates vomit?

Another thing I don't see people talk about much: how many of us are still dealing with sleep issues at six and seven and eight and beyond. I know from talking to other parents of disabled kids how many of us have to curl up in twin beds and then sneak away like thieves when they fall asleep.

Some asshole just drove by blaring Burl Ives singing "It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year."



So I just went upstairs and saw the freaking Santa truck with a bunch of fire fighters in Santa hats and the truck decorated and lights on, flashing round and round the block, which would have been a lot of fun at, say, 7:30, when I could have shown the kids, but which is considerably less fun at 10:15 with a sick kid upstairs. Also, don't people overdose on Christmas? Don't they? Ever? Don't they get enough of Adeste Fideles and freaking lights and plastic stuff everywhere, a 24-hour inescapable sensory assault?