Birth of Rites
One defining characteristic of autism is rigid behavior. Rigidity takes many forms (rigidity is flexible?): lining toys up; wanting the same foods every day, wearing only certain clothes; performing the same actions; saying the same things in response to the same stimulus; wanting the same behavior repeated. A common type of rigid behavior is a stim: the hand flapping or finger flicking so many children perform. Something becomes both deeply pleasing and necessary.

I've watched my daughter's rituals develop; I can usually trace them to some primal moment of pleasure. When my daughter was younger than two, one night she fell asleep staring into my eyes, as she stroked the sides of my face. It was a sweet moment, and I remember reporting it to my mother that evening. And then the next night she had to rub my face, and then she had to keep rubbing my face, for a couple of years. In pictures from that time, one little spot on my face is scabbed over from the rubbing, which would sometimes turn into scratching.

Over time, thank God, the stims and the rituals have become milder, and I've learned to coax her away from them. At various points, my daughter would only eat rice cakes (one entire summer, during which we forced multi-vitamins into her); she would only wear clothing with animals on it; she would only listen to certain music in the car. She is much more willing to accept and even embrace change.

And I've learned: if she likes something just a little too much, it may morph into one of her rituals, so I've learned to back away from things she wants repeated immediately.

Last night, for example, I tried one of the infamous Gutstein frameworks: this involved using beanbag chairs to create a barrier, then breaking through and "capturing" her. So I decided to be the Big Bad Wolf, and my son got in on the act, and then the dog came over and started barking, and dogs are just *like* wolves, so I called him Junior, and all in all it was a rattling good time, except I strained my throat from doing the wolf voice. But then immediately: "Let's do it again!" Same way. And later, because I was tired and my resistance was low, we did a third round of Big Bad Wolf.

We'll use one of the frameworks tonight (the advantages of the infinitely flexibly frameworks....), but it won't be the Big Bad Wolf.